Simple, Peaceful, Serenity
by KNDnumbuh007
Summary: there was a boy who I grew up with... he could not feel a thing and wanted to feel alive. ONESHOT.


**Wow it's been a long time since I actually wrote something huh? Well, I decided since I don't really go on FF anymore- I decided to delete Regain. It's not that I hated story but I probably wouldn't have finished in until like maybe in two years and I hate when people do that cause then you cant keep track of everything that happened in the story. So I'm not leaving permanently cause I'll post one shots but no more stories :C enjoy! C: **

There was a boy who I knew in middle school who picked on little kids who were bigger than he. He was liked among others, hated to the rest. He used to get up early and be excited for life, but that all changes when you grow up. I grew up with this boy till I was 13, when I was supposed to forget this boy forever. Our last days, he held my hand and told me his final goodbyes and wanted this pain in his chest to go away. He never wanted to be hurt anymore and wished he could feel nothing. Nothing was all he wanted to feel as we all were picked individually from our closest friends to whom we call brother and sister and maybe more. Pain was what he felt that day. He looked at me dead in the eye and said he'd rather give up everything if it meant ridding this pain to keep me forever with him. Whether physically or mentally- this was a boy who was in constant pain.

There was a teen that has had many broken hearts and emotions numbed with pain. He became void of anything. He cleared the hurt from his mind and pushed it to the deep crevices of his mind- to be sucked in, never to resurface again. After much practice of that smile he forces, he's become acquainted with me and I learn to break that facade of his to learn what really goes on his head. At times he would jump in front of the train that comes towards him on the tracks. Despite the calls, yells, and helpful hands, he remains stationary on that track till he can jump last second back on the platform. Most call him mentally unstable but they didn't get it. When walking the concrete paths next to the lake, he takes the ladder down the wall to sit on the last step and watch the big crashing waves swallow the pointy rocks just inches below him. Despite yells and the police, he sits on that last step, testing fate. When they pull him up, he testifies he did no wrong. For there was no sign warming him not to go down the ladder or even a measly chain gate to block him from continuing onward. Therefore, there were no consequences for his queer actions. Whenever I would ask him why he would do these things, he would look at me with his sad emerald eyes and with his false smile and say. "I wanted to look death in the face." This was a teen with courageous deeds in his years but this was something different. I would ask him with a curious look. "Why?" He would widen his smile and his eyes give a small glimmer. "I forgot how to really feel." I simply replied. "And what do you feel all those times you do something crazy?" He takes a deep breath and says softly. "Simple. Peaceful. Serenity."

There was a new man who I've grown closer through the years. We've held hands, small kisses in public, romantic gestures, yet through it all- he would still find comfort in his escapades. I've learned he doesn't try to do damage and I can't help but reply with a laugh and a shake of my head "you're an idiot." But we've come to realize that this has become our way of I love you. Whenever I say that, he gives me a genuine smile and says "I'm a lucky man." Despite everything we've gone through, our ups and downs, he could never break his rough exterior. It was tough with him because he would want no one to worry about him and ensure he's fine, but he just wanted someone to listen. He wanted someone who he could talk to without feeling judged with his rash decisions. Despite the hugs, kisses, and advice- it was never enough. Yes, it would help him but he would just keep on looking at me with his now hard green eyes and tell me in a whisper "I can't feel a damn thing anymore" I would ensure him he can feel, but I didn't understand. He looked at me angrily and yelled. "I mean pain, sadness, happiness! Whenever I try to feel like that I just get this buzzing in my chest and all I can feel is anger." After trying to calm him down, he would storm off in rage because I didn't understand him- I couldn't understand him. After so much his interior been ripped, broken, and haphazardly sewn together, he felt like he wanted to do something to make him feel he was alive.

There was a man I loved who grew up like the moon, always hidden away from the world. He never showed how he really is and felt trapped from a world that can't be trusted with so much wrong. He never saw past that there is actually beauty in the world and what he had been part of. After fighting with everything, he was beaten down. The man I loved walked to our backyard, looked up at the night sky that was filled with trillions stars and took a deep breath before he closed his eyes and everything was done. When I went towards the noise in haste, I noticed three words that I remembered so long ago. My tears smudged and blurred the words that could barely be made out on the crumpled paper. "Simple. Peaceful. Serenity."

**REEEVIIIIEWW C:**


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